February 2, 2010
Who knew a birthday party could take so much out of a girl?!?!
I feel like I just now got my house back in some kind of order and the big O-N-E party was Saturday. Goodness! Tomorrow, February 3rd, will be Maddox's actual BIRTH Day...so 'm saving the party pics for then. I know you are DYING to see them. ;)
On a more serious note, I think I heard some of the saddest words come out of my 2 year old's mouth today. He'd been getting quite a few time outs for knocking over his brother or taking toys from him so I'm thinking this may have come from that. Not sure though.
"Mommy, I don't like myself."
WHAT?!?! Why would you say that?
"I don't like myself because I am mean."
My heart melted and I scooped Jaxson into my lap. My mind raced as to what to tell him. I told him how much I loved him and that God created us just the way we are and how He loves us sooo much. I fumbled for words of encouragement and adoration for my baby boy. I told him that sometimes we are mean and we just have to keep trying to be nice because that's how we show God we love Him, by obeying Him.
I'm pretty sure it went in one ear and out the other.
I'm pretty sure I've never felt so dumb or inadequate as a mother.
Over the course of the day, my mind replayed those words over and over. These are the verses that continually popped in my head.
Genesis 1:27 "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."
Phillipians 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."
Romans 7:15 "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate."
And I realized my child is already struggling with the very things I repeatedly struggle with.
Adequacy. Confidence. Doing what I don't want to do. The ongoing battle with self vs. God.
Now, don't get me wrong. I know Jax is no genius (he's pretty dang smart though) but don't you think we have that desire, that 'something' that is missing from the day we are born. That something being Christ. I believe it. We are here to glorify Him and I think we early start to feel the pull to do what is right, to fill that emptiness.
So, although the words Jaxson used were sad, part of me is a little excited for this journey to begin.
Well, your thoughts, encouragement, and words of wisdom from me to Jax would be greatly appreciated. :)
Have a lovely evening.